


how long will i love you

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, F/M, Floor Sex, PIV, Porn with Feelings, Potentially Getting Caught Kink, a lot of feelings, fingering with feelings, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: Everything changed after Kanan came back from Mandalore. And it kept changing.





	1. first

**Author's Note:**

> _How long will I love you?_  
>  As long as stars are above you  
> And longer if I may 
> 
>  
> 
> _How long will I love you?_  
>  As long as stars are above you
> 
>  
> 
> \- How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding

“You can take a break, Hera,” Zeb said, clearly trying to seem like he wasn’t watching her with a worried gaze.

Hera sighed, tapping her fingers against one of the chair’s armrests. They had been in floating in space, away from Jalindi but not back orbiting Yavin 4. While it had been suggested they just go back to the base to wait, Hera didn’t want to have to waste time getting out to wherever Sabine, Ezra, and Chopper had been whisked away to by Saw Gerrera. The moment they knew where those three were she wanted to be on her way. To get them out of whatever trouble they were in.

Of course this was how their first mission all together again went. Why was she even remotely surprised?

Zeb shifted next to her in the co-pilot’s seat and she caught him throwing her another nervous look. He was right. There wasn’t anything they could do right now and all she was doing was making both of them anxious. Neither of them seemed to be that good at waiting and just the two of them in a room would only amplify that.

“If you hear anything from them,” Hera started, turning her seat.

Zeb smiled with a slight shake of his head. “I’ll tell you immediately. Now go, get some caf or something. You’ve got to be tired.”

She resisted telling him to do the same. He probably wanted to be alone, to worry about Sabine and Ezra without feeling guilty about it. She understood; it was still hard to think about the fact they were basically adults now, not the two lost kids she scooped up all those years ago.

There was no rush in her steps as she made her way to the galley. When she passed by Kanan’s cabin she paused, trying to listen for any movement in there. He had gone to rest shortly after they realized they were going to be in it for the long haul. He was still adjusting to Yavin 4’s time verse Mandalore’s. While they both knew that he should just try and stay awake through this, sleep once they were back at the base, they let it slide. Since when did either of them sleep when it was the “proper time”, anyway? After hearing nothing from the other side of the door, she kept on her path to the galley.

She started to tap her fingers against the counter as she measured out the caf into the machine. She paused when there was enough for just her and then poured in more. Kanan was going to wake up eventually and he was going to want caf. He’d drink it cold, too, so there wasn’t anything to worry about with leaving a half full pot waiting. And she knew how much he was going to want some; he didn’t have the luxury of being active right now to keep him awake, he didn’t get swept away in the middle of a mission to stay active. Making extra caf was the least she could do to keep her crew functioning.

“Are you making enough for two?”

Hera grinned and looked over her shoulder. Kanan was leaning against the hatchway, pulling his hair back into its usual ponytail. He must have just woken up, maybe when she walked by, if he hadn’t finished putting himself together. Even his mask had been left behind in his cabin. Once his ponytail was secured, she answered, “Of course.”

“Perfect. I don’t think I managed to actually get any sleep at all,” he said, walking all the way into the galley. The door hissed closed behind him. He moved to stand next to her, leaning with his hip pressed against the counter. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“I’ve been told that every now and then,” she replied. She finished setting up the caf maker and let it do its thing—its “thing” was making caf way too slow for anyone’s liking.

As they waited, Hera felt a frown form on her face. This was supposed to be occupying her time, keeping her from worrying about everything that was happening, and everything that wasn’t happening. But this, just like waiting for word from Sabine and Ezra, was taking too long.

“Hey, they’re going to be okay. You know they will be,” Kanan said. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him, trying to fight the frown that was there, not that he could see it (not that he needed to). His hand drifted down, landing on her lower back, as he continued, “You aren’t going to do them, or you, any good worrying like this.”

She didn’t answer right away, focusing on his hand on her, his thumbs rubbing small circles that she could just feel through her flight pants. She turned back to the caf marker, setting her jaw. No. This wasn’t the time or place for that. For them. For whatever Kanan thought could happen, whatever he might want to happen. She needed to just ignore him and he’d pull away and pretend that nothing had happened. That’s how it had been before everything, why would it be different now?

But he didn’t take his hand back, it stayed a firm and warm presence on her, inviting her to indulge and take even more. To take everything she wanted from him.

She couldn’t lie to herself and say that she hadn’t missed this. Missed his touch on her, his warmth. That she hadn’t missed him.

Glancing up at him and then back at the caf maker, she made up her mind.

Turning into towards him, and moving in closer, Hera settled with the back of her hips resting against the counter and leaning her head against his shoulder. She managed to catch the surprised expression on his face before she tucked her head against him, soaking in his warmth. The hand that had been on her back was replaced by the other while it moved to rest on her inner thigh, high enough to be all too inviting for more.

A more that she shouldn’t be finding herself wanting. Just being held in his arms was enough, should be enough. It had been enough in the past.

“I just thought we would have heard from them by now, it’s been hours,” she murmured, her cheek pressed against his chest. Her hand drifted up, landing on his chest and sliding up to rest on his shoulder. She brushed her thumb across his collarbone.

“Give them time, they’ll contact us the moment they can,” Kanan whispered. He leaned his head done, resting it against hers. Hera smiled; glad that she had taken her goggles earlier, though now she was wondering where she had left them.

“Hera…”

She felt his breath catch for a moment and his heart maybe skip a beat. She tightened her grip on his shoulder and turned her face up to him. He lifted his head only enough to give her room to move. So close, she could see every small detail of his face: where his scar started, the faint reminder of when his nose had been broken almost a decade ago, the faintest lines from aging starting to appear. Details she had started to forget in the time that he had been gone. Gone from her.

There was no decision made when she pressed her lips against his, kissing him for the first time in too many months. Her hand snaked its way to the back of his neck as he deepened the kiss almost immediately. He had felt the distance too, had missed her just as much (if not more). He always did. His tongue slipped into her mouth, making her gasp gently. She had missed him, his warmth, his everything.

Kanan’s hands moved to her hips briefly as he stepped in front of her. She was pressed firmly against the counter, one of his hands sliding up her side slower than she needed while his other hand was on the counter, supporting him. She tangled her hand into his hair, ruining the ponytail he had only just put it in. A slight tug to his hair to move him where she wanted him and a groan passed from his mouth to hers.

She was up on the counter before she even noticed that he had lifted her. Her legs wrapped around him automatically, years old muscle memory taking over. It was her turn to groan as Kanan worked his mouth across her jaw. A hand worked her flight cap off so that he could move his mouth to her earcone; Hera wasn’t sure who actually took the article of clothing off.

Tightening her legs around him, Hera could feel his now growing erection pressing against her, even through all of their layers. She gasped as he gently bit at the skin under her earcone, her hands grabbing at him to try and anchor herself.

“Kanan,” she breathed as a hand started to trail down one of her lekku.

She quickly worked her gloves off; her need to actually feel him was getting to be too much to bear. She dragged her finger through his hair, pulling all of it free from the tie, as Kanan’s mouth worked its way back to hers.

Hands moved between them, both of them trying to work the other one’s belt off. Kanan beat her, unhooking himself from her legs and pushing her pants down over her hips and further. Her underwear went with them, and Hera fought a squeal as her bear ass made contact with the cold counter. Her clothes bunched at her ankles, trapped there by her boots.

“Sorry,” he murmured against the corner of her mouth. His belt was undone but she hadn’t managed to get further than that. His lips making their way down to her neck and he slowly pulled his own gloves off, dropping them on the floor behind them. “I’ll make it up to you.” And then he dropped to the floor as well.

Hera’s breath quickened as Kanan pushed her knees apart, his hands sliding up her thighs closer and closer to where she needed him to touch her. There was no teasing in his movements, not this time. His focus on her was palpable. His fingers traced along the crease where her thighs met her hips and she couldn’t help but arch in anticipation. Hera looked down when he stopped moving to find him smiling up at her before he lowered his head.

“Ah!”

It left her mouth before she could think better of it; Zeb was still around, the last thing they needed was for him to hear them (there was no need to repeat the early days of the three of them living together when maybe not everyone was as careful as they should have been about locking doors).

“Quiet, Hera,” Kanan murmured against her skin, his smiling growing. “We don’t want to get caught.”

“Just… Kanan, don’t stop,” she gasped out.

He licked a long stripe across her, his tongue pushing past her folds. She bit her lip to keep her moan from escaping again. He repeated the motion over and over, his pace steady. Heat rose up from her core, washing over her in an all too familiar wave. Why had it taken them so long to find each other again? Just as the thought popped into her head, though, his hands slid up and down her thighs, spreading her legs more and he really settled into his work and she instantly forgot what she had been thinking. All that mattered was how his mouth felt against her, with slow but deliberate strokes.

After a handful more licks, Kanan ended the latest one with closing his lips around her clit. She didn’t try and stop herself from quietly moaning his name as he did it. He sucked at her, his hands coming closer and closer to her core, to join his mouth she hoped.

Instead, he pulled away making her look down at him. His eyes were closed and his mouth was glistening. His long hair was completely dishevelled. She ran her hand through it, pushing the strands that had fallen forward out of his face. His tongue darted out, running along his lips quickly. His eyes fluttered as she worked her fingers through his hair before settling closed again. Leaning back in, he kissed his way up her thigh to her folds. Just before he was back where she wanted— _needed_ —him, he whispered, “I almost forgot what you tasted like.”

Hera couldn’t help the sharp gasp that was practically ripped from her when his lips closed around her clit again. This time a finger slipped inside of her, the initial push was almost too much to take. She clenched around him and he waited for her to loosen around him before he started to pump it in and out of her. When he started to matching his sucking with the pace he had set up with his finger, he added a second and then third one, quirking them up inside of her. She gasped again, her hand tangling into his loose hair.

This was all too much. He was too much. And she missed him. She missed him. “I missed you,” she breathed. He paused for a breath, his eyes blinking as he seemed to try and understand what she had said, what she had meant. Then he went back to her body, doubling his efforts.

Reaching her orgasm was only a matter of keeping at this. His movements became relentless. Hera stayed as quiet as she could, though it took more willpower than she would have liked to keep herself from begging for release. It didn’t matter though, three more strokes and Kanan pulling at her clit as he sucked was enough to push her over the edge. She threw her head back, faintly aware of her lekku hitting against the wall behind her, a silent and shaky breath leaving her. He stayed down there, his now wet fingers tracing lines around her core as he gently licked at her as she came down from the high.

Once she had started to catch her breath, she loosened the grip she had on his hair and leaned forwards to grab his shoulders. “Get up here,” she said between laboured breaths.

Grinning, Kanan pushed himself up, his hands going to her knees. She pulled him to her, crushing her mouth against him. She forgot how much she liked the taste of herself on his lips. His left hand moved to her neck while his right went behind her, pulling himself in as close as he could. It was difficult; her pants were blocking his legs from getting too close. He leaned over her, kissing her ferociously.

The one advantage to him not being able to press himself against her completely was that she could get to his pants and finally undo them. She yanked them down and started for the hem of his underwear. His hands joined her, bumping into hers as they got the last barrier out of the way as well.

She drank in the sight of him as fast as she could before Kanan was kissing her again. She tried to pull away, wanting to remind herself of just how much of him there was but he was insistent on kissing her. Hera just smiled and reached between them.

Kanan gasped when her hand grabbed hold of his cock and he broke off the kiss to press his forehead against hers. She knew that they didn’t have much time left, so she returned the relentless pace he had set up earlier. When his head fell towards her neck and shoulder, she tightened her grip on him. His left hand was gripping her thigh, his knuckled paling as he held onto her.

She could feel his eyebrows scrunching together as he tried to keep his cool. They couldn’t have that, now, could they? Hera reached down with her other hand, cupping his balls as she quickened the strokes of her hand. Precum was dripping from his tip and when she slid her hand over it, to spread it across his dick, he let out an almost pained groan.

“Come on,” Hera whispered, turning her head and pressing her lips against his ear. “Come on, Kanan, let go.” She licked his ear once before biting down on his earlobe, tugging gently. Her hands didn’t slow or stop.

“Hera…” he breathed, his grip tightening on her.

Smiling against him and squeezing his cock just a little bit more, she added, “Come for me, love.” And that was it. A final groan passed through his lips and he shoved a hand down between them. His hand encircled hers, joining her in the final few strokes, and aimed his cock towards the counter’s side rather than her partially clothed body.

Once he got his breathing under control, Kanan reached up and grabbed her face, pressing his lips against hers. There was something different about this kiss, something Hera couldn’t figure out, not in her post orgasm haze. So she just kissed him back.

After they broke apart, reality set back in. They needed to clean up and get out of the galley before Zeb decided that he needed a cup of caf as well. Clothes went back on, zipper and buttons all done up. Hera grabbed a rag to clean up the evidence of what just happened. As she did so, she could see Kanan make his way over to the caf maker.

“It’s still warm,” he said, grabbing two mugs for them to use.

“Perfect,” she answered. She moved next to him, though not close enough to touch him, and waited for a cup to be handed to her. “Thanks.”

She sipped it and thought that maybe she’d look for the sugar, she really didn’t want to drink this without any, but decided against it. Kanan was leaning in towards her again—his face all too easy to read, the desire on it plain.

“I should head back to the cockpit before Zeb starts to wonder about us,” she muttered, moving away from him towards the door. It slid open automatically and Hera winced slightly realizing that they never did lock it. “And we really need to get back to waiting for Ezra and Sabine to contact us.”

“Right,” Kanan said. “I’ll meet you there.”

Hera muttered an acknowledgement and walked out of the room, wondering about what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My plan was to write five 1500-2000 word chapters and for them to just be sex. That was it, it was only going to be sex and it was going to be super self indulgent and fun. And then while I was writing this chapter I realized that I picked two of the least likely people to "just have sex". Especially if it's where they were in season 4. So, the feelings side of this story got a little out of hand but overall I have a really really good fic for you.
> 
> Don't worry. Every chapter has a lot of sex. This is still me just writing five chapters of Kanan and Hera fucking, it's just... you know, it takes them a little while to get there each time. 
> 
> Thank you to my friends Heather and Inconocible for listening to me go on and on about writing these two fucking and also about all my hang ups around season 4 and reading what I sent them from each chapter. 
> 
> Also, apparently I like the idea that Kanan and Hera are into having sex when they could potentially get caught, but what Star Wars couple isn't like that?
> 
> I'll be post a chapter every night starting now, so there's no worries about waiting around. It's all done already ;)
> 
> I post updates and snippets for upcoming fics on [my tumblr](http://herasyndlla.tumblr.com).


	2. second

The freed slaves were ushered off to debriefings the moment they had all landed back on the rebel base. They had been too, though only because Hera and Ezra had to give a preliminary report as to what actually happened and why they brought back people instead of tapping into the Jalindi outpost communications. It was a short meeting; the promise of another in the future was left with them as they all headed out to the tarmac. Kanan wasn’t used to how efficient things were being run here. It was impressive, though he was on Ezra’s side about things being too political for his blood. Best to stay out of the way of all that and just go help when they say help.

Except that Ezra’s concerns were filling his head. What if Saw _was_ right and there was a super weapon out there? How were they going to stop that level of destruction? Efficiency and politics weren’t going to be the answer, though Kanan wasn’t sure charging in without a plan and wreaking havoc in return it the answer either. The Rebellion, everyone in it, was at a crossroads. Which way would they go?

“Uh, Kanan?”

Lifting his head up and turning it to where Zeb was standing, Kanan replied, “Sorry, what was that?”

“I’m taking everyone on that tour of the base finally,” Zeb said. They were all standing between the y-wings, other rebels and officers moving around the group of six. “You coming?”

Oh, right, Zeb had offered to give them a tour. While it would be nice to get to catch up with Zeb, a month apart from his friend had left him longing for his company more than he realized he would, he also was dead on his feet. “I’ll pass,” Kanan answered. He placed a hand on Zeb’s shoulder and offered an apologetic smile. “Maybe some other time. I think I’m going to go reacquaint myself with my bunk. Should go better this time, no hooligans running around the galaxy that we have to worry about.”

“Hey!” Ezra laughed. “We didn’t ask to get swept up in everything with Saw.”

“We didn’t ask to leave, though,” Sabine added in and Kanan could hear her smirk in her voice, she always ready to throw Ezra into the fire.

“Have fun on your tour,” Hera said, cutting into the conversation before it could grow into an argument, even the light hearted one it would have been. Of course she did, she had to keep up appearances here, didn’t she?

“You’re not going to come either?” Ezra asked, the disappointment was heavy in his words.

“I have to start up on the report for rebel command. I’ll need your and Sabine’s help later, but I should get started on what I can now,” she said. “Plus, I don’t really need the tour like you guys.”

Zeb snorted and lifted Kanan’s hand from his shoulder. “Yeah,” he said, clearly amused, “have fun working on your _report_.”

Hera tensed up immediately; Kanan didn’t need to see to know that he could feel it radiating from her. Well then.

“Can we go now?” Sabine asked which was followed by the sound of a punch landing on someone.

“Yeah, let’s go. There’s a lot to see,” Zeb said. He chuckled as he started to walk away. “It’ll take awhile to get to it all.”

Chopper grumbled from between Kanan and Hera, complaining about having to go as well.

“Come on, Chop!” Ezra said, more shouted now that he had moved away some. “It’ll be fun!”

“Just go, Chopper,” Hera sighed. Kanan turned to her, wondering if Zeb had been right in his jab towards them. No, that was unlikely. She was already far too distant to him, even though it had only been a good few of hours since they were in the galley together. She was going to be closed off for awhile with him, he knew how things worked when they fell into bed, or wherever, together given their more recent history. “I don’t need help.”

The droid grumbled again, this time his warped binary was a bit more colourful. He rolled off after the mini tour group leaving the two of them alone.

“Admit it,” Kanan said the moment their team was out of earshot, leaning in close to her, “you’re just trying to sneak a nap in, too.”

“You caught me,” she replied, a smile clearly creeping into her voice. Good, she was still receptive to his jokes at least. He hadn’t tried to touch her again since she had left him in the galley. He knew that touch was off the table but he didn’t know how closed off she was going to be. “That’s obviously what my scheme was.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

They turned in tandem towards the _Ghost_ , walking through the various groups of rebels. Hera greeted those who called out to her or came up to them. She seemed comfortable, like she was meant to be here. And she was, this was where the galaxy needed her. And that was why he was here, too. Kanan smiled.

The _Ghost_ was quiet with just the two of them, even if they were only in the cargo hold with the access ramp still down. While the sounds from the base drifted in after them, there was a calm energy that was filling up the ship. Kanan couldn’t remember the last time the ship held just the two of them. Had it ever?

Kanan waited for Hera to lead them up into the cockpit. He briefly considered the idea of asking to eventually wake him up but decided against it. He’d wake up with the others got back from looking around the base. That would be enough of an alarm. Plus, she’d be able to get her report done without having to watch the time.

He made for the door leading out of the cockpit. It took him a few seconds to realize the Hera was following him out. He stopped between their cabins, turning to face her. She stopped as well, not continuing on to the common room or galley, which would have made some sense. Maybe she needed something in her cabin?

“Well,” Kanan muttered, and took a step towards his door. He started to turn away from her, reaching for the door’s controls when she grabbed his arm and pulled him into her. She grabbed hold of his face, bringing him in for a crushing kiss. His mask was still on; it was the first time they kissed while he was wearing it and it was proving to be cumbersome. He reached up as their lips moved together and lifted the mask from his face. She didn’t miss a beat, taking full advantage of his more accessible face. Her lips moved from his mouth to his nose and upward; across his brows and over his closed eyes. Kanan let out a shaky breath. “Hera?”

“It wasn’t enough earlier,” she whispered against his lips once she had kissed her way back.

Dropping his mask on the ground, Kanan wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body in tight against his. He deepened the kiss, his tongue moving roughly against hers. This wasn’t their best kiss, it was bordering on messiest for sure, but he didn’t care. He just needed to feel all of her that he could.

He couldn’t say which of them started to move towards Hera’s cabin; was she the one pulling or did he push them? It didn’t matter, all that mattered was that they were alone and nothing was stopping them from touching each other.

Hera’s hands pulled at his top and practically ripped it off him. Her hands, un-gloved at some point but he couldn’t say when she took those off, moved all across his chest. She seemed to be taking her time now, wanting to enjoy the feel of his skin, his hair, his muscles. She had told him before that she would never tire of any of that. So he was going to let her get her fill of it all.

His hands worked her goggles and flight cap off, tossing them behind him without care. He vaguely heard them collide with the bulkhead as he started to undo her pants. Hera gave up on touching him, which he felt a brief bang of disappointment for but it didn’t last long; her hands were helping his get her out of her clothes. Oh, he could work with that.

The rest of their clothes scattered around them, soon they were just in their underwear and touching as much of each other as they could (Kanan joked about how much faster it took them compared to when they were younger, “No armour”). Their mouths collided again and their movements were just as heated as in the hall. It felt as though they hadn’t done anything at all in the galley. The month apart and the months he was so distant, closed off, were all being washed away with every touch of her hands, with every kiss she pressed against his skin, with every point their bodies were connected.

He walked her backwards until her back hit the bulkhead below her bunk. His hands slid up and down her sides until he could feel her shivering under his touch. His fingers hooked into the waistband of her underwear and then pulled those down. The moment after she stepped out of them, he let his hands drift down and grab her thighs to lift her just enough so he could slip his thigh between hers. He moved his hips into her but he let Hera slide across his leg at her own pace. She moaned, not trying at all to keep her voice down. Kanan buried his face into the crook of her neck, his lips working at the skin there. He started to suck— _hard_ —expecting her to tell him off for trying to leave a mark, she had rarely let him in the past just in case someone would see it, but it never came. All she did as he sucked on her skin was dig her hands into his hair and pick up the pace against his leg.

When she started to push at his shoulders, Kanan stopped paying attention to her neck and kissed his way back to her mouth. “What do you need?” he asked between kisses.

“I…. Kanan,” she breathed, she seemingly distracted by him pulling her up higher on his thigh, her toes no longer touching the ground, and him kissing her neck again. “Kanan… Lie… lie down,” she managed to get out. He nodded and then dragged his tongue down her neck.

He lowered her back to the floor and started to kiss his way down her body slowly. Hera was having none of that, though; she pushed against his shoulders again, forcing him down faster. He laughed as he landed on his ass, grinning up at her. He scooted away from the bulkhead towards the centre of the room again, pushing aside some forgotten article of clothing. Soon her knees were on either side of his hips and she was leaning down to kiss him. Her hands worked their way over his chest as she started a slow grind against his strained erection.

Groaning, Kanan let his hands wander over her skin. He discovered that she had taken her bra off while he had made his way to the floor when his fingers brushed over her nipples. Tugging on one, he moved his other hand to the back of her head and down her left lek. Hera started to speed up in her grinding when he switched to her other lek and other nipple.

“Hera, please,” he moaned when he was sure that he couldn’t take anymore. She nodded and pulled away from his mouth.

There was some fumbling between them as they both went to push down his underwear. He would have laughed at how uncoordinated they had become if he wasn’t overcome by the sensation of her wet folds sliding over his cock directly now. His hands gripped her thighs, pulling on them to encourage her to speed up.

Shortly after he had been completely stripped, Hera put her hands on his chest again and lifted up. Kanan reached between them and helped guide himself into her as she slowly lowered herself down. He threw his head back hard enough to make a noise once he was completely inside of her. He had forgotten just how well they fit together, as if they were made to connect like this. Neither of them moved right away, getting used to how it felt again. It was Kanan who started to move first, just slight twitches of his hips when he couldn’t handle just lying there.

With her hands still on his chest to give her the leverage she needed, Hera set their pace. It wasn’t slow but it wasn’t nearly fast enough for either of them to reach their peaks. It was perfect.

Kanan’s hands began to roam over her as she bounced on top of him, feeling every inch of her that he could. Everything was where he remembered it being, every scar with her smooth skin between them. He moved his hands up to her lekku feeling the curves of them, enjoying how much more curled on themselves they had become. His hands moved to her neck, her shoulders, her breasts, her waist, her thighs—anywhere and everywhere.

When their pace began to pick up, Kanan grabbed at Hera’s arms and pulled her down to him (a surprised giggle passed her lips on the way down). He kissed her fiercely, one hand on the back of her head tucked between the base of her lekku while the other went to her lower back, resting just where her spine started to curve at her tailbone. As she lifted up again and before she got the chance to drop down, he grabbed her butt cheek, holding her where she was. Lifting his hips, and enjoying the way she moaned as he controlled the penetration this time, he planted his feet flat on the floor. Keeping her raised above him, Kanan took over. His thrusts into her were unrelenting; there was no questioning his goals, he wanted her to cum, to hit her peak and enjoy the fall.

Hera couldn’t stop the moans escaping her lips with every thrust into her, passing from her mouth into his as they tried to keep kissing. But teeth were clacking against each other; it was becoming impossible to stay connected there. So he pressed his forehead against hers and just enjoyed how her staggering breaths and moans fell onto his face.

It was becoming clear that the end was getting near for him. Kanan took his hand off of her head and slid it down between them. Hera flung her head back with a gasp when his fingers made contact with her clit. Everything down there was wet, it wasn’t hard from him to stroke her in time with his thrusts. And that just about did it. Hera came, letting out a short scream as she practically shattered around him. Completely buried inside her, he waited for her to start to calm down before he went back to it. His thrusts were sporadic, he was so close to his own release now that his legs were beginning to shake from the effort. Hera grabbed his face and kissed him while doing her best to match his movements to help him over.

When he came he sighed, holding on tight to her. His legs gave out and she all but collapsed on top of him. As he dropped to the floor, his cock slid out of her. He could feel his cum starting to drip out her onto his legs but he didn’t even have to energy to think about starting to clean up.

Hera, however, seemed to have some energy left (he had theories that she may be a higher being, a goddess perhaps, and this would be one of those times that proved it). After a minute of just lying on him, she pushed herself up—kissing his nose as she pulled away—and grabbed his shoulders to drag him into following her. She led him to the ladder to her bunk and made him climb up first. Once she joined him, she wrapped herself up in his arms, tucking her head under his chin.

They could fall asleep like this, Kanan would give anything to just do that. He missed the years when they could comfortably sleep in each other’s arms. But he mind was now racing.

He listened to her breathing as it began to slow down as sleep started to overtake her, tracing his fingers against her skin and tried to sort out his thoughts. He wanted to ask just one simple question but he knew that she wouldn’t be up for it, not right now, if ever. But he couldn’t ignore it.

What did this mean? That was all he wanted to know. Were they together again, finally? It had been at least a year since they had last been intimate with each other, if not longer. Did this mean she was finally ready to give them a chance again, even with the war raging more fiercely around them? Or was she just overcome by missing him and they’d return to how things were before he had left for Mandalore: comfortable but very aware of how they acted with each other. He knew what he wanted and he wanted to promise himself that he wouldn’t push her, he never wanted to push her when it came to them. But… something had shifted in him and with her here, lying against him and one of her legs sneaking up between his, he didn’t know how long he’d be able to stick to that. He wanted her. He needed her.

Kanan sighed, placing a soft kiss over Hera’s brows before settling into the bunk. She smiled, her lips pressed into his skin, and moved in closer to him. He closed his eyes but sleep never seemed to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here's Kanan's thoughts on where they're at. ;) Next chapter will go up tomorrow night. I meant it when I said a chapter a night. This is the most "on schedule" and consistent you'll ever see me with a multichapter fic. 
> 
> I post updates and snippets for upcoming fics on [my tumblr](http://herasyndlla.tumblr.com).


	3. third

Hera sighed and rubbed her eyes as she walked down the hallway. Slow days around the base were rare but they did happen. And every time they did she felt like she was wasting her time. Today especially. Not only was it a slow day as for out going missions, but also there weren’t any meetings happening, no briefings; really no work to do at all. About two months of living here and a day like this had never come up. She had no idea what she wanted to do with her time.

There was usually a routine to the day, meetings at least or even just general maintenance for her ship. Everyone on her team was used to these routines. But somehow she didn’t have it today. Kanan and Ezra had their Jedi training to fall back on, Sabine and Zeb had menial task to turn to. Hell, even Chopper had diagnostics to run, either on the ships or on himself. Hera found herself floating through the morning.

A short meeting with Mon Mothma had just finished up and was really to just reconfirm there was nothing for her to do today ( _“Take this as a chance to rest, Captain Syndulla, it is a blessing in disguise”_ ). All she could do was head back to her ship and sit around while everyone else was busy. It sounded horrible.

Lifting her datapad up and turning it on, Hera started to look through all the lists she had started. Maybe one of them would have a forgotten but nonetheless important task for her to complete. Anything at all. Something she’s been putting off, to try and catch up on that long lost chore.

With her head down in the datapad, she wasn’t paying attention as she turned the corner in the hall. Two steps around it and she walked into something. Stumbling back, Hera looked up as a pair of hands reached out and grabbed her arms, keeping her from falling. Not a something, a _someone_. Kanan.

“Hi,” he said, grinning down at her. He wasn’t wearing his mask today, something he was leaving behind on the _Ghost_ more often now that he was comfortable here. It meant that she could see his smile reach his eyes. It was nice.

“Hi,” she answered. “Sorry about that.”

“No, this is great, actually. I was just coming to look for you,” he said. His hands stayed on her, keeping her close to him. Her free hand held on to one of his arm.

She looked him over, cocking an eyebrow. “Oh, you were?”

“Sure.” He shrugged. His hands slid up to her elbows, cupping them gently. “I was going to find you to ask if you wanted to eat together. If you have the time, that is. I know you’re busy.”

Hera stared up at him. His face was bright, his whole demeanour light and at ease. She was confident that had she been paying attention and had seen him walking there might have even been a bounce in his step. Normally, his extremely good moods popping up when she was annoyed would only further her annoyance, but now it just made her smile. He seemed to be in better spirits since returning from Mandalore, there was a new confidence to him, one she had never seen before in the almost ten years they’d known each other.

It was enticing.

It was enticing and she wasn’t prepared for just how much so.

His thumbs started to rub circles over her sleeves and his grin widened. “So, what do you say?”

She looked around the hall, which was completely empty, and took a step back out of his hold. He smile started to lessen but before he could ask again what she wanted to do, Hera grabbed his hand and started to lead him back down the way she came from.

“Hera?”

There was a frequently unused meeting room in this hall, as well as a few others in the ancient temple. It was significantly smaller than the command room so it made little sense to use it. It was also too larger really for the more confidential meetings Senator Mothma would simply hold in her own office. If there were a visiting commander or senator coming to the base, they would be offered such a room. Today, there was no one assigned to the one here. Which was perfect for what Hera needed. She pulled out a code cylinder to unlock the room and the tugged Kanan inside with her.

Locking the door and then turning quickly back, she walked right up to him. His eyebrows were drawn together.

“Hera, what are—”

“Don’t,” she said. She placed her hands on his chest and started to walk him backwards. They both stopped once the backs of his legs hit the large table in the middle of the room. “Just don’t say anything.” And then she kissed him.

Kanan’s hands grabbed hold of her waist, pulling her in close as he settled down against the table.

If he said anything now it would just be questions she couldn’t hear, let alone answer. He would ask things like, “What does this mean?” and “What do you want?” She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know what this meant. All she knew was that right now she needed to feel him, to taste him. And she knew that this was happening more and more frequently in the month he had been back. More frequently than she should be allowing. She knew better, they both did. They had talked about what their relationship could be while they were fighting and then, somehow, it had gotten even more complicated over the past few years.

It was when she had almost lost him to the Empire, when he sacrificed himself without any hesitation at all. It didn’t matter than she would have done the very same in his situation, it was that she had gotten a taste of what it would mean to lose him. It had been almost too much to bear; she had been so close to breaking when her team needed her to be strong. After that she knew things between them needed to change. And they had, more or less. Both naturally and forced. And then Malachor came.

But now that he was back and okay and here in her arms, Hera found that she didn’t know anymore. She didn’t know if it was smarter to keep him at a distance. And he was always more than willing to be with her. She didn’t know if she had been protecting them or just shoving a wedge between them. All she knew was that she needed him and that she…

Kanan’s lips found their way to her neck, kissing lightly at the skin exposed there. His mouth was gentle; there was no need to worry about him leaving any marks against her skin. Her eyes fluttered as he worked his way up her jaw and back to her mouth. She pushed her tongue passed his lips, deepening the kiss. As much as she enjoyed it when he took his time to basically worship her body, it wasn’t what she needed right now. What she needed was for him to just take her. She needed to feel him before she burst from want.

She pushed against him, her hands sliding up his chest, shoulders, neck, to grab onto his face. One of her legs pressed up between his, pushing against his hardening cock.

“Kanan,” she moaned as she started to grind against his upper thigh. His hands on her waist tightened, guiding her movements. “Kanan.”

His arms wrapped around her, lifting her up from the floor. Her arms went around his shoulders and neck. He turned them around, the backs of her legs hitting gently against the table now. He nuzzled the side of her face and he lowered her down. “Tell me what you need,” he whispered.

“You.” She kissed the side of his face, kissing whatever skin she could get in contact with. “I need you. Inside me. Now.”

He groaned immediately at her words. Before she had a chance to follow his movements, he had turned her around. Her back was now pressed along his chest as he worked his mouth over whatever exposed skin he could get to (which meant he quickly made his way to her lekku and she moaned louder than she should have considering where they were).

A slow grind started up, Kanan’s erection pressing more and more firmly against her as they continued to move. His hands were all over her even though her clothes were keeping them from touching her how she needed it.

His hands finally drifted to her pants and began the process of removing them. Hera was willing to admit that maybe she wasn’t helping him with it, she kept forcing him to shift to kiss her or she kept up the now fairly quick grind of her ass against him. She had faith in him though; he’d manage to get her undressed even with her being purposefully distracting.

Soon her pants were being pushed down past her hips, her underwear was dragged along, too, and she sighed as his fingers brushed against the newly exposed skin. He had taken his gloves off which meant she got to enjoy the wider spread of his palms on her. Yes, this was what she need. Him, his touch, his warmth. _Him_.

Hera gasped, tossing her head back as a finger gently pushed into her slit. Kanan kissed the back of her neck as he started pumping his finger in and out of her. Her hands slammed against the table when she was unable to stand up without support, keeping her upright as she was overcome by what she wanted and how it still wasn’t enough.

A second finger slid in on the latest push and she groaned. He felt so good, his fingers starting a slow scissoring in her. She knew what he was doing, and while it was enticing, knowing what was next and how close it was, she groaned in frustration this time. She needed more. She needed more of him, all of him.

“More, Kanan. I need…” she moaned, canting her hips up as he worked away. He wasn’t even picking up the pace. His movements were steady and strong and nowhere near fast enough. She had thought he wasn’t teasing her, just getting her ready for what she wanted, but now it was clear that there was definitely some teasing. And that wasn’t fair, not when he knew how much she needed him.

“Patience, Hera,” Kanan whispered. She could feel his smirk against her skin. “We can’t rush some things.”

She pushed back against his hand, to try and pick up the pace but his free hand grabbed her hip, stopping her. Fine, two could play at this game. She reached behind her until her hand made contact with the front of his pants and the straining erection trapped underneath them. She grabbed hold of him and started to stroke him through his clothes. It wouldn’t be satisfying enough, no chance at that. He groaned and pressed his whole face against her. His hips rutted against her hand and he pushed a third finger into her. The pace _finally_ picked up.

Soon, when it was clear to both of them that she was ready—Hera practically begging him may have been the sign of that—Kanan pulled his fingers out of her. She sighed at the loss of him but felt her skin start to vibrate at the sound of his pants being shoved down out of the way. She twisted to look behind herself and bit her lip at the sight. Kanan had one hand on her waist while the one that had been inside her, glistening from its work, made a few quick strokes on his cock before he stepped in to line himself up.

They both moaned once he was all the way inside of her, his hips pressed firmly against her ass. Just before she thought that she was going to have to beg him to start moving, Kanan pulled out of her slowly, drawing out the motion as long as he could, until just the tip was still in her and then slammed back into her. She gasped, her hands moving against the table to try and find purchase. He did it again; the slow withdraw followed by the swift and forceful return. Over and over again.

Hera whimpered slightly as he kept this up. It was so much, almost too much, everything that she was feeling. She could feel her core trying to keep him inside every time he started the slow pulling out. She could feel how his hand was tightening on her waist as he tried to keep this pace going, she knew he was close to breaking and just giving into his own desires. She could feel the heat of his body, through all of their clothing still; consuming her from every point they were pressed together.

“Kanan, please,” she said, her voice deeper than she expected, “I need you. I need you. Just take me, please. I can feel so much of you and I need more. I need—Ah!”

He slammed into her again, his thrust faster this time, cutting her off. His hand slid down to her stomach and then lower, his fingers joining in on everything. She bit her lip to keep from screaming out. He had abandoned any attempt of control, finally giving in and giving her what they both needed now.

The moment a fraction of her brain adjusted to the pounding into her, Hera started to talk again. Her voice was always enough to make him lose control and she never was shy of using it to do just that. “I can feel… Ah! I can feel you, all of you. Kanan, please, please. Just give me everything, I need you. I need to feel you. There’s so much of you and I need… I need it all. I need your cock pushing into me. Kanan!”

His mouth found her neck again, and he bit down gently. Later, she might find it in herself to be annoyed at the faint mark that would show up, and only be partially covered by her shirt, but right now all she could do was moan and reach behind her to grab the back of his head, keeping him close.

At the end, Kanan had to slap a hand over her mouth as she came; she had lost all control and couldn’t help but scream out with her release. He fucked her through it, not letting up even though she was almost too tight to move in. He let out an almost feral groan when he came inside her, holding her against him. It was all over now, too quickly and yet it had taken far too long to get here. (She ignored the voice in her head that told her it was her fault, she could have been having him more often far sooner than she had allowed, than she had given into.)

They stayed pressed together for a few minutes, both trying to find their breath again and the ability to pull apart. Finally, with a content sigh passing his lips, Kanan took a step back and he was out of her.

There was no rush with redressing, not that either of them had much to put back into place. Sheepishly, Hera watched him redo his ponytail once they were both clothed. She was sitting on the table, her toes just touching the floor.

“Do you still want to go eat?” she asked as he pulled his gloves back on.

Kanan laughed and shook his head. He walked over to her and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Despite everything that had just happened, there was no wanting heat in his touch. He was tender, gently pressing into her. When he pulled away, he was smiling down at her. She looked his face over, trying to figure out where this shift had come from but he took hold of her hands and guided her off of the table.

Starting for the door, he said, “Yeah, I definitely can eat now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy Hera at her messiest and horniest. 
> 
> If you want to ever discuss s4 timelines and my headcanons for that (and Kanan and Hera in general) I'm always down to chat over on tumblr. Shoot me a message! :)
> 
> I post updates and snippets for upcoming fics on [my tumblr](http://herasyndlla.tumblr.com).


	4. fourth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one gets some before the fic notes. My own personal headcanon to make me not hate everything about how Jacen was handled in the show is peppered in throughout this chapter and the next one. I wrote a fic about it: [how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13950837). You don't have to read that fic to understand this fic, but if you want to have some grounding for what's up between Kanan and Hera, feel free to gander on over there. Anyway, onto the fic.

Kanan opened his eyes when he finished (trying to) meditate. He had no idea how long he had been sitting here, trying to sort out his thoughts and keep his worries in check. The main problem leading to his less than stellar performance was that lately it was easier to meditate with Ezra around and since the lack of Ezra (and Sabine) was the cause for his worries…

He sighed and rubbed his face, his shoulders hunching forwards. They had gotten back a while ago from their last attempt to search for the missing two. It had been a long night and there was still so much to get through. There was at least two hours until sunrise, though he wasn’t entirely sure of the exact amount of time anymore. They had all agreed that they wouldn’t go out to search again until it was morning sine everyone was past exhaustion now.

Sleep never found him, though. Which was why he had tried to meditate.

Standing up, Kanan stretched his whole body upwards and began to wander back into the base. It was quiet all around him. He assumed that everyone was trying to get some sleep. Everyone except Chopper who had been standing as lookout nearby.

Kanan started to head towards the tents that were set up when he stopped. Turning towards where they had set down the u-wing, he lifted a hand up to wave. “You’re still up, Zeb?”

Zeb laughed as the distance between them closed. “Yeah, it’s hard to sleep, though Ryder and Jai seem to be doing it just fine.”

“Don’t hold it against them,” Kanan said.

“I’m not, not really. I just want those kids to get back here, tell ‘em off for making us leave,” Zeb grumbled.

“This is on them. We can’t carry the weight of their decisions anymore.”

Zeb let out an “Hmpf!” before sighing. “I know, I know, but still…”

“It would be nice if they were back already,” Kanan finished for him. He put a hand on the Lasat’s shoulder, patting him there twice. “Have you gotten any sleep yet?”

“Have you?”

Kanan chuckled and shook his head.

“Neither has Hera, by the way. I don’t think she’s even tried to,” Zeb said, turning away. Both men stood together, facing the u-wing behind them. “She’s trying to get work done on the u-wing even though that old hunk of junk is as good as it’ll get. She uh… may have yelled at me to leave her alone.”

“That does sound like her,” Kanan said, sighing. He rubbed his face and let out another sigh. “I’ll try and get her to sleep some, or at least sit down and relax.”

This got a chuckle out of Zeb. “Heh, yeah, relax.”

“Zeb…”

“I’m sure you will,” he said, starting to walk off.

“Zeb,” Kanan almost growled.

“Good luck!”

Kanan waited until he couldn’t really feel Zeb anymore, not unless he was trying to. Which he certainly did not want to. Just because Zeb had picked up on the shift that had taken place between him and Hera didn’t mean the Lasat had to hint constantly that he knew what was going on. Especially since he didn’t know as much as he thought he did.

Walking towards the u-wing, Kanan was hit with a wave of anxiety. Yeah, Hera was definitely trying to busy herself to deal with her worries. No doubt she was also monitoring the Imperial channels for any word on Ezra and Sabine. For a moment he considered just letting her work through this on her own, that it wasn’t for him to decide how she handled things. Things between them had been tense the past few weeks and now that they were back on Lothal things were being tossed around even more. Would she even want him to try and help her right now?

It was hard navigating what they had become. This past week brought more changes, both to them and their whole team, than they could have prepared for. He wasn’t sure what had left them reeling more: the state that they found Lothal in or the fact that Hera was…

“I’m not interested in hearing it, Zeb!” Hera called out when Kanan made his way into the u-wing. “I get you’re concerned but I’m fine.”

“That’s definitely one way of thinking of it,” he answered. He placed his hand on the top of the ship’s entrance so that he was sure he bent just enough to avoid clocking his head against it.

“Kanan! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was you.”

“That’s okay, I figured. Though, it was Zeb who sent me here. Well, sort of,” he said. He walked over to her, reaching a hand out to find somewhere to sit. After patting around for a few seconds, he found something sturdy enough to take his weight. He sat, facing towards Hera, and crossed his legs at his ankles. “What are you working on?”

She sighed and probably turned away from him. He heard the sound of metal scraping against metal as she got make to whatever it was she was doing. “I’m just working on the… I don’t know. Something. I’m working on something,” she said. A second later he heard whatever tool she had been using drop into a pile of other supplies. “I just need to stay busy.”

“Hera…”

“Kanan, if you’re going to tell me to relax or get some sleep or whatever, you can just leave. I don’t want to hear it,” she said, her voice tight. Which wasn’t fair because he hadn’t started doing anything yet, he just arrived.

“I’m not going to tell you that,” he replied. He readjusted on his perch.

“Then why are you here?”

Kanan blinked and lowered his head. He didn’t come here to argue with her, they had already had their fair share of those recently. He could never tell where they were going to be at with each other, he was pretty sure Hera was just as confused as he was. “I didn’t realize I needed a reason.”

She sighed again. “Kanan, I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s okay. We’re all worried. All we can do it wait for them to get back,” he said.

Hera laughed at that, a tired and strained laugh. “I feel like we’ve been here before.”

“It was more fun last time, if I’m remembering correctly,” he joked, grinning up at her. He thought she’d enjoy the jab at them, but he was given no response. All he felt was the distance she was keeping between them. Again, he misread where they were with each other. Though, maybe joking about them having sex was a bit tasteless. “Sorry, that wasn’t funny.”

“No, no, it was, it’s just…”

“I know.”

Kanan uncrossed his legs and leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his thighs. He listened to Hera standing where she was and then pick up a tool again. The sound of her tinkering filled this ship once more. He let her work, not wanting to push even a little at this point.

He felt like he had been pushing too much lately, the past weeks filled with them (maybe mostly him) reaching out to the other over and over again. They had both drawn such deep lines in the ground recently and now he didn’t know how to find his way over them back to her. So he pushed and prodded, waiting for what would finally bring them together. He thought, when she had given him the news that she was pregnant that they were going to finally get there. But then she pulled back again. He didn’t blame her, their lives had been completely upheaved just before returning here; of course they were both struggling. He just wished he knew how to get to her.

Hera’s tinkering stopped again. He lifted his head up and tried to think of something to ask her, anything at all. He came up empty, not knowing if a question would just push her whether away.

“I thought,” she started, dropping the tool again, “I thought they’d be back by now. I keep thinking they’ll suddenly appear and none of it was actually that bad. But it’s been hours and there’s who knows how many Imperials looking for them, and I just can’t stop thinking that we aren’t there to protect them.”

“They don’t need us to protect them anymore.”

“I know,” she said. “It doesn’t make it easier to accept that.”

“What you need,” he said, standing up, “is an actual distraction.” He took a few steps forward and reached out, letting his hand trace up the side of her arm. Oh, she wasn’t wearing her vest and long sleeved shirt. His fingers brushed up her arms and over her shoulder, dipping under the strap of her tank top.

“What are you doing?” Hera asked, her breath catching at the end of her question as he stepped in behind her, his other hand pushing one of her lekku over the front of her shoulder. “Kanan?”

“I’m distracting you,” he murmured before bringing his mouth down to her neck and placing light kisses against her skin. She shivered under his touch.

“This really isn’t the place for this,” she tried to argue but he could feel her arm move forwards, assumedly to brace her hand against the bulkhead of the u-wing for support as she started to lean back into him.

Kanan slid his left hand to the front of her body, skimming up across her stomach before cupping one of her breast. She gasped, her free hand moving up and grabbing hold on his hair, her fingers digging in at the base of his ponytail. He smiled as he continued to kiss at her neck and shoulders. “No one will know,” he whispered. “Just relax, Hera.”

He could hear the start of her reply, no doubt getting ready to call him far too reckless but then her fingers tightened their hold on him and she nodded.

Wasting no time—just because she gave into him didn’t mean she wasn’t right: there was definitely the concern that they could be walked in on—Kanan moved his right hand to her front but let it drift down. He ghosted it along the top of her flight pants, which were riding lower on her hips than normal, gently pushing the hem of her tank top up. Her skin was warm under his finger tips, finger tips that made Hera take a sharp breath in. Only now he realized that he had been slightly chilled from sitting out in Lothal’s night air. Well, she was exactly what he needed to warm up.

Hera reached down and grabbed his hand before he could get too far. He was worried for a moment that his fingers were in fact too cold, but she pulled at his glove until it peeled off his skin. “Thanks,” he breathed against her before sliding his hand back down her again, this time moving past her pants and down into her underwear.

“Kanan,” she breathed leaning her head back against him. His left hand moved up her chest to her head, tilting her face so that he could press his lips against hers. She breathed his name again, her breath mixing with his, as his finger dipped down between her legs.

She was wetter than he expected, but then again it had been awhile since they had done anything, not with how the last time turned out. She must have been more wound up that she had been letting on. He seemed to be just as wound, her hips moving against his crotch dragging a deep moan from him. He pressed his forehead against hers as he moved his fingers against her.

He moved his free hand up to her left lek and ghosted his fingers down it. She moaned, just barely. He turned his head so that he could work his mouth over her right lek, licking his way across it.

Getting her off was just a matter of time and pressure, now. He toyed with the idea of trying to draw it out, get her to where she’d be begging for release, but that wasn’t what she needed right now. Drawing it out wasn’t going to achieve anything that just giving her this without teasing would. So after spending a few minutes reacquainting himself with her labia and clit, enjoying the feel of how wet her skin was as he spread everything around, enjoying the effect he had on her, Kanan slipped one and then two fingers into her.

Hera let out a shaky sigh and spread her legs so that he had more room to move. It made the angle a bit harder to work around, however, so they fumbled slightly trying to get into a good position again. In the end, she was bent forward, legs spread, with her hands bracing against the bulkhead. Kanan was plastered across her back, his knees bent slightly so he could easily reach her folds.

It didn’t take long for her to finish now. When she came, he had three fingers inside her, pumping into her without any sign of slowing and the tip of her right lek fully in his mouth as he sucked gently on it. She sighed as she came, her face pressing against his. They stayed in this position while she caught her breath.

Once the moment was over, the spell of ecstasy washed away, Hera turned in his arms, grabbing his face and kissing him. When she pulled away she said, “I think there’s a cloth around here somewhere.”

Kanan laughed and waited for said item to be offered to him, it was nice that he wouldn’t have it off on his pants.

Once his hand was clean, and his glove was back on, Kanan reached out and pulled Hera back to him. He eased his mouth over hers and enjoyed the taste of her. When he drew back, he ran his fingers across her cheek. “They’re going to be okay.”

She laughed as he felt her shake her head. “You know, your distraction isn’t going to exactly work if you just bring that up again immediately afterward,” she said. She moved a hand to the back of his head, her thumb brushing against his beard.

“So it was working, then?” he asked, smirking.

Instead of answering, though he was sure he had earned himself an eye roll, Hera pulled him back down to her lips. She was smiling, her kiss gentle. It wasn’t going to build either of them up into wanting more, it was just there as a reminder of how they felt for each other. Of what they were, and could be, together.

Kanan didn’t miss the fact that her smile faded as she pulled away.

“We should see if they’re coming yet,” she whispered, her hands dropping from him.

He sighed and nodded. He didn’t move in for another, final, kiss. He instead lifted his hands to redo his ruined ponytail while he heard Hera move away. The rustle of clothing being put on reached his ears as Hera zipped up her long sleeved shirt.

“Come on,” he said, holding a hand out to her. He felt panic rise up in him when realized that she probably wouldn’t take his hand, not if they were going to be walking out into the base together. But she did, her gloved hand fitting so perfectly in his. She led the way as they headed out to where Zeb and Chopper were keeping watching.

She dropped their hand just before the rest of their waiting team would have spotted them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I post updates and snippets for upcoming fics on [my tumblr](http://herasyndlla.tumblr.com). I'm also down to chat about headcanons and what not over on tumblr!
> 
> Also, thank you inconocible for the fun new tag this chapter!


	5. fifth

“Are you saying we were meant to come here? Maybe to meet Ezra?”

“I don’t know, something like that. But there’s more to it, I’m just not sure what.”

Hera looked Kanan over and waited for him to elaborate, to give her something more. A breeze passed over them, his hair in its ponytail gently dancing in it. The tips of her lekku moved, just barely. Her knees were starting to ache slightly from kneeling but she didn’t want to move, to readjusting, in case that somehow spooked Kanan out of telling her more. But as they sat in silence, nothing more was being offered to her. She sighed and slid to her right, closer to him and off of her knees.

It was rare for Kanan to go into much detail anymore when the Force or destiny or whatever was involved. In his growing confidence with himself and his abilities, his need to tell her everything started to dissipate. She wasn’t hurt by that, he found a connection in Ezra that she could never given him and who was she to be annoyed by the confidence he finally carried. She just missed when they could talk about everything together.

Hints at what's to come, or in this case what could be coming, frustrated her. She was ready to put her faith in the future, she was ready to hope that the galaxy would change, but she never cared for cryptic messages. How was she supposed to help him if he wouldn’t share what he was thinking, what was worrying him?

Everything was changing around them too quickly. The past two years held more pain than the first eight they had known each other. How the galaxy managed to through trial after trial at them was beyond her. The months when they just couldn’t find each other, how they had barely touched for a year. Even now, after all the steps forward they had made alone and together, it was hard to think about it.

But even thinking about all of that pain they went through, the time they spent missing each other, Hera could still easily remember every moment of joy they felt, every moment of peace between them. That was the thing about them: they always found their way back to each other. Kanan had told her before, a few years into their relationship and partnership, that he would follow her anywhere. He had promised her that. And even though at times it felt like he hadn’t been true to his word, he found his way back. And she was always ready to meet him.

She placed a hand on her stomach. Yes, she was always ready to meet him, so why were they still missing each other? This wasn’t where she imagined them being, trying to figure out this step in their relationship when really their relationship was supposed to still be on hold. They had promised years ago that after the war they would talk and figure it out and that there was no point dwelling on it until then. They would just be who and what they were without the stress of their tomorrow adding an extra weight on their shoulders. But now they had to talk and had to make a decision and Hera had no idea where to start. She wanted to be with him, she had always known that much about her desires and even he had to known that. And to raise a family together again, from the beginning this time, she wasn’t going to lie to herself and say that was undesirable. It just wasn’t supposed to be happening now. She didn’t know if she was ready now, if they were ready now.

She had no idea what to think but the galaxy kept pressing down on her, trying to force a decision from her.

Sighing again, she leaned her head against Kanan’s shoulder, dropping her hand into her lap. Her legs moved out from under her more as she worked to get comfortable against him.

“Hera?” Kanan asked, a whisper, and turned in towards her.

She felt it more than saw him move as she stared out at Lothal’s field spreading out from them. The dawn’s light was brightening with every second, though the red glow of the destruction all around them was also brightening.

“Do you remember when we first started seeing each other, after had you finally decided to be more than just crew for me?” she asked. She left her hand drift over to him, landing on his thigh. She watched her hand pick at the fabric on his pants once, twice, before settling her palm fully against him.

His arm moved around her, his hand resting on her hip. He was so warm, it was easy to lean against him and soak in everything he was offering. She reached behind her head, pulling her lekku out of the way so that they’d drape over his arm.

Leaning his head against hers, the sound of his mask hitting her goggles was brief, he answered, “Of course I do.” He pulled her in closer to him and her hand slid across him, her fingers ghosting across his inner thigh.

“It feels so long ago, now,” Hera whispered. She swallowed roughly. It was so long ago now and they were completely different back then, before they carried all the burdens that they were carrying now. It had been good, for a time.

Moving out of his hold, Hera twisted to face him. She reached up and pulled his mask off, placing it down in front of them. She studied his face, every line and scar, how his brows were pulling together, how his mouth wasn’t quite closed in the mild surprised that often resulted from her moving into his space nowadays. She cupped his cheek and then asked, “Do… do you wish we could go back to then? When it was easier?”

His mouth closed. He didn’t answer, not immediately. Instead, his left hand moved to rest on her hip again as he brought his right hand over to take hold of her free hand. He blinked once and then his blank eyes settled on her face, missing her eyes as they always did. “No,” he said finally, “I don’t.”

“Kanan…”

“I know a lot of unthinkable things have happened to us, and that things are more complicated know than ever,” he continued. The hand on her hip moved to her stomach, his fingers spreading across the fabric of her pants before his hand slid up to brush against her cheek and then down her right lek. “Things have changed for all of us, and not always how we wanted them to, but no. I wouldn’t give up everything we’ve found and made together just to feel like things were easy again.”

Hera opened her mouth to say something, anything, in response but her throat had closed up on her. She swallowed, trying to open it up again to tell him that she agreed, that she wouldn’t give up anything either. That even though nothing made sense anymore, she was grateful that he was here through it all.

His hand moved back to her face, pulling her forwards so that he could press his forehead against hers. “I would never give up who I am now thanks to you.”

She breathed in, his scent mixing in with the crisp dawn air, before she brought her lips against his. His hand moved to the back of her head, deepening the kiss. They both were feeling it; feeling the loss of the simpler years behind them, the fears for their future together with all the changes they had brought to their relationship, and knowing that tomorrow the galaxy could just rip their lives out from under them and they would be helpless to stop it. They were both feeling all of this as they clung to each other in their now desperate kiss.

Pushing against him, Hera forced him to lean back. The hand on her head moved down to the small of her back, hoisting her up into his lap as he leaned back on his other hand. His legs kicked out below them making it easier for her to sit.

She kissed him everywhere. His eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his mouth. There wasn’t enough of him for her to touch. She moved to his neck, kissing what was exposed as she sat down more heavily on him. The hand on her back gripped her clothes and started to push at her, inviting her to start up a slow grind. She found his mouth again, cupping his face in both her hands.

He must have lowered himself to the ground at some point, Hera couldn’t have said when, but as she pulled away she found her hands pressing against the grass pull them, holding herself above him.

“Hera… I…” Kanan whispered. His eyes were closed but he never felt more open to her. He moved his hands up her sides, his thumbs brushing against her breast as they moved to rest on the backs of her shoulder. “I need…”

Leaning down, she eased her lips over his and murmured, “I know.”

Despite where they were, how open and vulnerable to being caught, there was no hurry to their movement. Kanan was gentle as he unclasped her goggles and removed them and her flight cap, his fingers pressing against her lekku more than they needed to. They both took their time undoing the other’s belt, Hera struggling a bit more to get Kanan’s holster off as well. He chuckled, reaching down to help.

Soon, they were both stripped to their waist. Gloves now off, Kanan smoothed his hands over her skin, running them against her stomach and breast and back and then returned to her stomach. Hera’s breath fluttered in her throat as she watched him. When he went back to her breast, she moved her hands across his chest, her fingers brushing through the hair scattered across it. Years of getting to touch him and she never tired of how he felt beneath her.

Hera gasped as Kanan started to tug on her nipples. He sat up slightly, bringing his mouth in to suck on her left breast and his hand stayed on her right. Her hands went to his shoulders to keep her balance and she started up that slow grind against him again. Kanan moaned against her skin, the vibrations traveling from the peak of her breast throughout her. He eventually switched, change what attention was being given to what breast.

Pushing him back down against the ground, Hera slowly started to kiss her way down his body. He traced his fingers against her lekku as she made her descent, sending shivers of desire straight to her core. She took her time, stopping to pay attention to his chest. She grinned when he tried to keep from twitching as she kissed her way down his stomach, she forgot that he was somewhat ticklish, a very un-Jedi like characteristic of him.

She sat up and straddled his legs. Her fingers made deft work of his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. He sucked a breath in as she started to pull them, and his underwear, down.

“Hera…”

“Shhh, just relax,” she replied and lowered her mouth.

He wasn’t completely hard when she started lick his shaft but it didn’t take him long to be fully engaged. She hummed against him, enjoying his attempts to stay quiet from her attentions. He wasn’t able to suppress his groan when she took him completely into her mouth. One of his hands went to the back of her head, fingers spreading across her sensitive skin. His other hand had grabbed of fistful of grass, clearly trying to anchor himself.

When his hips started to twitch, she pulled away, licking her lips. Kanan’s chest was heaving and he tried to calm down. His eyes were open, their blank stare directed up to the sky. Hera smiled and worked to get his pants off the rest of the way as he tried to recuperate.

“Get up here,” he said, grabbing and pulling on her arms after she tossed his pants next to where she had placed his boots. She giggled as she let him drag her back up his body. His mouth was on hers the moment she was fully on top of him, his tongue in her mouth. His cupped one of her breast as he shoved a hand down the back of her pants, grabbing her ass.

They kept kissed for a while, touching each other wherever they could reach skin. Hera sighed against his lips, savouring the moment. They so rarely got the time to enjoy each other so thoroughly. She ignored the part of her mind telling her that now wasn’t the time to do this, what did it know? Who knew when they would find the time to be completely together again? No, she was going to enjoy this. Enjoy him.

Abruptly, Hera found herself underneath Kanan, his mouth working its way down to her chest again. She sighed his name, brushing her hand over the top of his head. Then she leaned back and rested on her elbows so that she wouldn’t crush her lekku against the ground. He kissed her stomach and then reached down to draw her boots off. Hera had to resist telling him to be careful when he tossed them, and her blaster, aside. Thankfully he was starting to take her pants off to distract her from the pointless pester.

“Lie on them,” he muttered, trying the pull her up by the hips. This time she out right laughed, lifting her body up so he could slide the pants under her. Once she was settled on the ground again, Kanan spread her legs apart and wasted no time.

“Kanan,” Hera moaned, grabbing hold of his hair again. His tongue moved quickly against her, soon pushing passed her slit into her. His hands moved against her thighs, slowly pushing them further and further apart as he licked into her.

Hera felt her breath quickening and heat rising up on her. She dropped her head back and tried to focus on how the grass tickled against her lekku to keep from breaking under his touch. She wanted this to last as long as it could. She didn’t want for them to have to go back to the base yet and face the world around them. She just wanted him.

But when he moved his lips over her clit and slipped two fingers inside her, it was too much to hold back. Calling out his name, Hera came around him and tried to remember how to breathe.

Kanan moved to lie next to her, kissing her shoulder as she started to come down. His hand traced meaningless designs against her skin. Hera watched him as her breathing slowed to a more manageable pace. Lower and lower the hand travelled as what felt like sparks of electricity travelled from his fingers into her. Even more so as he started kissing her again when his hand dipped down between her legs. She grabbed hold on his upper arm, breaking the kiss to press her face against his shoulder.

He got two fingers inside of her when she tugged on his hand. He stopped moving them, though he didn’t pull them out right away. He kissed her neck and smiled against her skin.

“Kanan, now. I need you inside me now,” she said and pulled on his shoulder.

He took the direction well, as he generally did from her. He moved across her, his chest and shoulders blocking the rising sun above them, and settled between her spread open legs. She snaked her one of arms over his shoulders and buried her fingers into his hair. He leaned down to kiss and he reached between them to guide himself into her.

His cock pushed in the first inch slowly; he was drawing out the process for as long as he could. Deeper and deeper he pushed, the stretch of him slow and all consuming. When he was finally flushed against her, he dropped his head to her shoulder and sighed. Hera kissed the top of his head. This was where he belonged, with her.

When he started to move, it was a slow deliberate pace. Each time he pushed back into her he made every second of it count. It was everything she needed. Over and over again, in and out, push and pull. She could feel all of him inside her. Heat coursed through her from her core, building which each one of their shared breaths.

Hera cried out when Kanan grabbed her thighs so that he could push deeper, more thoroughly, into her. She flung her head back, her lekku hitting against her arm keeping her back off the ground. Her eyes squeezed shut as he started to quicken his pace.

“Kanan! Kanan, I…” she said, trying to piece together what she wanted to tell him. But she couldn’t think of anything but how good he felt, his cock pushing into her again and again. Maybe that’s what she wanted to tell him. Maybe she should. The words were out of her mouth before she could reconsider. His groan in response filled the air around them.

Her right leg lifted higher so that he could hitch it across his waist. This freed his hand to start exploring her body again as he began to fully pounded into her. He felt across her skin before dropping down next to her onto the ground. He tilted her hips back more and added to his movements a slow grind of his pelvic bone against her clit.

She held onto him as tight as she could. She worried that if she didn’t that somehow this would all disappear and turn out to be a dream. That they hadn’t started to find each other again, be together again. That everything since Atollon had turned out to be another trick played on them by the galaxy. Hera needed to hold on, to stay connected. She never wanted to let go again. She wasn’t going to let him go, not now.

At the end, Hera had her face buried into the crook of his neck, muffling her cry as best she could when she came. He wasn’t far behind her, three more pushes into her and he fell over the edge, spilling himself.. They both collapsed, neither one of them capable of holding the other up, let alone themselves.

It took some effort, and a lot of laboured breaths, but they managed to rearrange so that Hera was lying more or less on top of him. Kanan stroked her side, his calloused fingers gentle. She could feel his heart racing in his chest as she laid against his chest.

The sun was all the way in the sky now and Lothal was washed over his the red haze it saw every day. Hera studied how Kanan’s skin looked, how it changed under this light. There was a sheen to him, covered in sweat as he was. The already dark colour to him seemed richer. She drew a hand across to the middle of his chest.

What she would give to lie here forever?

“We can’t stay here,” Hera whispered, turning her head up to him.

“No.”

She sighed, the moment finally coming to its end. She knew she should just be grateful they got this much but it was hard to feel that way. There was always next time but that seemed so far away now, especially if she was going to be returning to Yavin 4 soon. And without him.

She pushed against his chest to start sitting up—they needed to get dressed—when his arms wrapped around her and pulled her back in close.

“Kanan?”

He didn’t say anything, not immediately. He pressed his lips against her head and stayed there, as if to breathe in the end of this moment together. His arms were tight, his fingers starting to dig into her where they had landed. His hold was desperate; it had been a couple of years since she had felt this worry in his hold. They had been washed in a red light then as well, as Atollon’s sun had set on them.

Before she could ask him what was wrong, Kanan murmured something, something she couldn’t make out. Why was he being so quiet?

“Kanan, what did you—”

“Come on, let’s get going,” he said, cutting her off. His hold on her lessened and she was able to push up. She looked him over, trying to figure out what he was feeling but all she saw was peace. He smiled up at her and moved in to kiss her one last time.

Once they were dressed and on their feet, Hera turned to walk back to the base. Ezra and the others would be getting back soon, hopefully, with the hyperdrive. She needed to make sure that the u-wing was ready; she couldn’t afford making Sabine wait for her any longer. She had taken three steps when she realized Kanan wasn’t moving with her.

“Are you coming?” she asked.

“In a bit,” he said. He smiled over at her, his mask turning over in his hands. “I just need to think for a moment.”

“Okay, but don’t be too long. There’s a lot to do.”

She looked back once as she made her way to the base. Kanan was just standing where she had left him, his face turned up towards the sky. Hera watched him, trying to figure out what he had said to her. It was familiar, too familiar. It was something he must have told her in the past, in the years they had to leave behind them. She was sure that if she went back and asked him what he had said, if she tried to get it out of him, he would tell her. But as she stood there fear crept in as she considered it.

She didn’t know what the future held, she couldn’t see that far. She could only plan and believe that things would get better. But the Jedi, they could. They had the ability of knowing what was to come.

His words were familiar and held too much longing for their future. A future she couldn’t plan out now. A future that shouldn’t be happening so soon. A future that terrified her.

Hera turned away and started to walk again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are! I promise five nights of sex fill chapters and I did deliver! I also just sort of added a lot of not as fun stuff in there too. I really hope you guys enjoyed the mix of tender/hot/down right messy sex as well a pretty thorough look into where they stand together as a couple but also as individuals. 
> 
> I'll say this, this chapter would have been maybe a little less sad if I wrote it from Kanan's POV. I have been thinking about what the start and end would be like from his. Who knows, maybe I'll write that some day. 
> 
> And hey, if you're sad, go watch their scenes in Kindred! That'll cheer you up! Cause they talk and Hera goes all in! It's great! (Just don't think about what comes next, haha.)
> 
> Thank you guys for reading my much more emotional porn than I planned. I hope you had fun, overall. 
> 
> I post updates and snippets for upcoming fics on [my tumblr](http://herasyndlla.tumblr.com).


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